暧昧很近,爱情很远

推荐人:匿名 来源: 网友推荐 时间: 2015-06-18 20:15 阅读:
  那座城市的特点是没有特点的,一样古朴灰暗的江南小镇,一样是朝九晚五活着的人,为了明天而生活、或是为了生活而明天。离开的时候,我以为我此生永不再回来了,五年后,为了一个工作,我又回到了这个城市,

  熟悉的街巷、熟悉的路名、熟悉的方言,甚至连那年挂在老银杏树上风筝的残壳依旧安在,由此,你可以想象我回来时那种无喜无悲的心情了。

  打了个电话给雨佳,他高兴的说:“快来、快来,我们正好在必胜客呢?”雨佳是我的死党,留在这个城市是我唯一的朋友。20分钟后我赶到了那里,很快,就在他们一群人中间遇到了与我尘缘今生的莫兰。如果上天安排两个人相遇,是无论如何都不会错过了,想来这就是传说中的缘分吧。就像鱼遇见了水,至尊宝遇见了白晶晶一样。所以,后来我和莫兰一幕幕悲欢离合便不足为奇了。

  印象中的莫兰曾和雨佳和我们一起郊游过,那时的她只是个小丫头而已,仅仅几年不见她竟如凤凰般的成长,全身上下茁茁而出一种刀剑般锋利的美。如此便轻易的刺透了我的视觉,让我立于一边兀自惊心不已。

  我暧昧的冲她笑笑,她似乎没有认出我,只是欠起身点着头,当我和雨佳喝咖啡、肯比萨时,眼睛总是莫名其妙的走神,有些坐立不安、心跳加速,完了完了,这是我一见钟情的反应。那一刻,我仿佛有预感,我知道我找到了重回这个城市最好的理由了。

  莫兰一出门就留在这个城市一个人生活,而我反正是天高皇帝远,手中有大把大把的时间可以挥霍,我常常叫雨佳的妹妹约她出来玩,接触了几次以后,便渐渐的用不着雨佳妹妹这个100瓦的大灯炮了。

  我们常常坐在温暖的星巴克玩对眼,直到其中一个眼泪汪汪的败下阵来。偶尔我们也一起去看电影,她喜欢评头论足,而我只喜欢评论人家的身才,我们弄不清“神秘花园”到底是挪威还是爱尔兰的乐队,杨降是男还是女。所以俩小儿辩日般争论不休。我们在一起快乐总是那么的简单,我的快乐是写在脸上的,而她的快乐是刻在心理的。一如她从没说喜欢我,但是我知道她默默的对我充满了好感

  那夜我们蹦完迪,然后去海边玩,莫兰一下车便开始欢笑的狂奔着,仿佛要将剩下的激情消耗尽似的,我跟她一直跑到码头的尽头,远处的灯光星星点点,咸冷的海风吹在脸上有写生疼,我说:“莫兰,你猜猜今天是什么日子?”“什么日子?难道是你的生日?”我默默的点了点头,她都怪我为什么不早点告诉她。害得她连礼物都没有买。

  我们开始不说话,用间断一会的沉默方式营造着暧昧的氛围。耳边有放吹过,我们的呼吸声变的很重,我默默地从后身环抱着她的腰,把脸埋在她的头发里,梦呓般的说:“莫兰,做我女朋友吧?”她无语,我把她的身体扳过来,她不置可否的看着我,笑容有些纷乱,随后她抱抱肩说:“回去吧,我有点冷。”我脱了一件衣服给她披上,她还是说冷,于是,我一下子紧紧的抱住她,吻她,那一刻,我知道我爱上了莫兰,关于莫兰,雨佳说她有个男朋友,不过她也没有见过,雨佳还常常安慰我说,不要放在心上,最深的爱情终究敌不过空间和时间的。这话听起来轻松,实际上令我头痛不已,我开始各种各样的假设,假如莫兰有男朋友,那我算什么?如果莫兰爱我只是在延续旧爱的感觉,那这种爱是很无望的,我有些患得患失。我只能寄托一些旁的东西,我用血型和莫兰的血型算命,结果得分极低。去求签问缘分,签上说:邯郸一梦幻无边、数载身荣是熟眠、换却锦衣归故里,睡醒还记在心田。”意为南柯一梦,难免心一些乱。

  莫兰从没和我谈及她的男友,当然我也不至于傻得去问,偶尔我也让自己理性一点,但爱情毕竟是行而向上的感性东西。就算是遇到了万丈深渊也会毫不犹豫坚决的往下跳,所以我终究无法抗拒,而莫兰也已经像水一样一点一滴的渗透在我的生命里,唉!姑且先爱着吧。我的心理长长的叹了一口气。

  四月我们去杭州,如烟的细雨中,我们探寻这个城市无边的风月。在万松书院体味梁祝爱情的缠绵,于西泠松柏下感受苏晓晓凄婉的伤逝在西湖泛舟时远远的看见段桥。内心是激情而又暧昧的,因为去的时候莫兰就说过,在这个世界上有两座桥是因为爱情而得名的,在威尼斯的“叹息桥”下和自己心爱的人相拥吻,便会获得一生一世永恒的爱情。而在杭州的“断桥”上相爱的人牵手走过,便如许仙与白素珍般缘定三生了。终于站在了桥首,莫兰很默契的牵着我的手,彼此的相视一笑,然后昂首的走了过去紧紧的拥在一起。

  我们习惯在一起,就像习惯于每天太阳的东升西落,然而快乐的时光总如水,我回去的日子也到了,我不得不考虑一些更现实的问题。该面对的总要面对的,那一夜我在星巴克等了很久都不见莫兰来。我否定她出差和发生意外的可能,是的,我的预感很灵,半夜里她打电话说,她男朋友回来了,沉默。许久的沉默。后来我说:“莫兰你看你还有退路,而我却没有了。”这话很锋利,她在那头急得一下哭了:“对不起、对不起”我这辈子只做了这么一件疯狂的事,我不觉得有什么错。错就错在我疯狂了半天,竟然还这么理智。其实我又何尝不是如此的矛盾,原来以为感情的事再简单不过了。爱就是爱,不爱就是不爱,现在仅仅只是他的一出现还没怎么的我就烦乱不堪了。似乎还一下子对我的爱情,我的幸福,我的未来,我的一切都茫然的无从把握了,由此徒然惊觉爱情的脆弱,它是美好得像童话,却脆弱得如瓷器,莫兰:“给我三天可以吗?”我说三年都可以,现在才知道自己是个没有长大的孩子,想选择坚强,却想不到解决问题的办法,

  我了解莫兰,她总是鼓励别人从困境中解脱,自己面临了却陷入泥潭不能自拔。所以我不想以被动的姿态去等待结局,我没有义务为一个素不相识的男人放弃什么?我要用男人的方式去解决问题。莫兰在电话来里对我说:“你先别急,感情的事是很难说清楚的,明天我先陪他去上海,等回来再向你解释。”我说:“那好吧,但能不能让我见见他。”莫兰沉默了许久,叹了叹气说:“晚上七点,我们常去的酒吧!”

  天际的月亮时隐时现,一如我飘忽不安的内心,我以先入为主的姿态提早去了酒吧!一波车流之后,我看见莫兰和一个高大的男孩从街上缓步走来,忽闪的霓虹使他的脸上一直不堪明晰,等他们走到酒吧门前,我才投过去有点恶毒的一弊,怎么是他,他的神情,他的笑声,不用看不用听,也是何其的熟稔于心??!。我们曾经一起醉过,哭过、笑过、甘苦与共过。雨佳,你这个大笨蛋。为什么只知道莫兰有个男朋友,而竟然不知道他就是我们同窗三年的兄弟子扬。幽暗的空间,我苍凉而又悲沧的笑这弄人的造化。笑罢一瞬间,我的脑海电火般闪出一个念头,我决定一个人守住这个秘密,与其三个人尴尬、友情灰飞烟灭,不如我理智的退出,我飞快的从后门闪身而过,那一刻压抑许久的内心竟然豁然轻松。

  我的爱情、我的幸福、我的痛苦、我的伟大,虽然痛彻心扉,但一想到他们,我仍是嘴角上场。

  第二天清晨在车站里,看见莫兰和子扬一起从我面前走过,那一刻我几乎忍不住叫出声来,我相信,如果我叫住莫兰,她就会像禾苗渴望春雨、干柴渴望烈火、倦鸟渴望森林毫不犹豫的扑向我,但我什么也没有做,我是条干枯湖底的鱼,与其挣扎的死去,不如安静的坐以待毙,我无力与上天抗争,所以从此我们只有各分东西了。

  下午,我便悄无声息的离开了这个城市,火车飞驰,窗外的景色飞快退去,离我越来越远终于不见了。

  或许,我从未真正的拥有这个城市,就像我从未拥有过莫兰一样,回到了我的城市,换了手机号码,然后无喜无悲的迎来新的日出日落。这一切的改变就像电影里的场景切换,不露痕迹,只是,我不清楚,我到底将从此新的生活,还是周而复始地过着同样的一天,我以为关于莫兰和我的爱情以及我所默默承受的痛苦,到此嘎然而止了,但后来我发现自己又错了,真的,在这个暧昧很近,爱情很远的故事之中,似乎我自始自终都没有对过,也许爱上莫兰也是一种错。,两年后去杭州出差,到西湖去玩,走到断桥边忆起当年的表情,想起那张叫我怦然心动的脸,内心如蒙着一层淡淡阳光的湖面,温暖而又恍惚,心血来潮的打了个电话给雨佳,他说了好多关于莫兰的事,最后他说,差点忘了,莫兰还有一封信在他这呢?几天后,我收到了那封信:

  我等了我男朋友一年,然后遇见了你,我又等了你一年,我的一生中能有几个一年,其实,事实不是你想的那样,他回来只是来看看我,陪他去上海也是他对我最后的留恋,在上海的那些天里,我们都很释然,我回来,你却走了,才知道维系我们之间爱情的仅仅只有一个手机号码,你换了号码,从此你就在这个世上消失了,我知道你的城市,我相信可以找到你,但开始我是多么的希望在某天你突然出现在我的眼前,让我幸福得泪流满面,可是我们都错了,错了也便错了,而现在我已没有勇气了。

  或许,我们都只是这个城市的过客吧!

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